Ho shit man.
XD
I haven't used this thing for a year. Ok, I'll try update it more often..... ^^;
Anyway, ITS SUMMER! WOOT
I dunno how things exactly are going. It feels like time's been moving so much faster than normal . . .
*sigh*
Nothing ever turns out the way you plan, feels like.
I thought by the time I reached this part of my life I'd have things figured out a little more.
I thought I'd be taller.
(I DID GROW THOUGH! only ... it was 1/4th of an inch . . . ¬_¬;; )
I thought I'd be more organized.
I thought I'd be smarter and more wise.
I thought I'd be cooler....
Truth is, I'm just as confused and lost as I was before. In fact, I'm a little worried I'm even WORSE off than before XD
Shit, that's not too good.
But I've been trying to change for better.
:)
I've been trying to find that part of me inside . . .
that part that's just me.
Not influenced by anyone else.
But its hard~~~
^^;
Its pretty funny.
I'm pretty hopeless in lot of different ways.... I get confused easily... my vocabulary's shrunk . . . I'm kinda slow at figuring stuff out most of the time . . . etc . . .
But one thing that's stayed the same in my passion.
For art or whatever.
I dunno, that hasn't really wavered much.
I mean, it has . . .
But its one of those things that when I start talking about it . . .
I get that feeling in my chest.
That growing adrenaline
the fire growing bigger
and that over flowing love and passion.
Lol, I guess it sounds retarded when I write about it,
but when I talk about my future and my dream and art, that's how I get.
^^;
Although, I'm still pretty fuzzy on what my dream exactly is . . . .
Basically, what I have is that I want to have good art.
MY opinion of good art.
and make a web comic or something of my story.
Not that I have a story out there, it's just in my head.
I keep wanting to work on it, but I can't start it yet since I'm still figuring the characters out and stuff.
But I think I'm getting closer to finding them.
:)
And me.
I think? ^^;
I just want to create something that's beautiful.
Something that makes you feel something inside your heart.
I want to make something that gives people some kind of inspiration or hope.
Or happiness, I hope.
I dunno.
I hope one day I can create something GREAT.
Something that people will look at and admire.
I feel pretty hopeless and lame most of the time.
And I hope some day I can be AWESOME.
XD
Which is a pretty big hope I guess.
ne?
Heh heh. But I want to believe that I can do it.
I dunno how long it will take.
But for some reason, when I think about that kind of thing, I feel like I can.
Even though it seems really ridiculous
or impossible for me . . .
There's just this hope.
To be honest, my uncle helps a lot.
I mean, not that he knows, I guess.
He's been like one of my biggest inspirations.
He's gotten so far all by himself.
Or well, he had help y'know?
From his friends and stuff.
But he had to make all his connections and stuff himself. He didn't rely on anyone.
And if he can, I want to to.
I don't want to rely on my uncle too much. To get me places I want to go, I mean.
If I want something, I want to get it myself.
Getting into college is one of those things I'm pretty proud of.
I still can't believe I got into that school. X3
I mean, woah.
Well, I still got turned down from some other ones . . .
But now I"m going to one of the awesomest art schools in the country.
And I did it on my own!
Or well . . . I couldn't have done it without my family and teachers and friends.
But it was my art.
Y'know?
and its not like I beefed up the pictures to make it look extra awesome.
It was just stuff I made and they liked it!
I still kind of can't believe it.
I'm really happy.
And what's even better is I'll be close to John.
:)
I mean, I kinda felt like I would be, but you can never tell, y'know?
So I'm extra happy.
I won't be alone.
And I'll be in chicago and get to see and experience so many new things . . .
I'm a little anxious but excited, nonetheless.
I'm scared to be on my own without my parents watching over me.
I've kind of never really been without them.
When I think about it, I feel really sheltered and spoiled even.
I really appreciate all of the things they've done for me.
Really.
I'm scared, but at the same time . . . I can't wait to know what it's like.
Although, once you get there, there's no turning back, eh?
It's strange to think that I'm through high school. I'll never go through it again . . .
Not that college won't be similar (even though it'll be REALLY different, somethings will be the same, I'm guessing . . .)
It's just so weird to feel like my childhood is behind me and its coming to the time where I have to grow up and be on my own.
I guess I'm just the sentimental type. heh heh.
So many doubts and worries come to mind.
Will I be able to take care of myself?
Will I be responsible enough?
Will I be independent enough?
Will I ever get it together?
Murgh.
I'm at that point in time where life seems so long . . .
Like it goes on forever.
There's an infinite amount of opportunities and chances and so on . . .
But at the same time, it feels like time is starting to speed up and it'll all be gone in a flash.
I hope I can make the best of my life.
:3
Ganbatte to everyone!
Let's make life the best it can be!
(LAAAAAAAAAAAAAME~ XD)
